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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24192862">The Time Before</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/3levetoi/pseuds/3levetoi'>3levetoi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV), The Living and the Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), Canon Era, Community: merlinxarthur, Gay Sex, M/M, Merlin doesnt remember, Merlin/Arthur - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform, Pining, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Post-Canon, Sex Magic, Smut, Top Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:56:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24192862</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/3levetoi/pseuds/3levetoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur awoke from death as though it were a thirteen-century long dream. Slowly, his memories return to him as he makes the journey to find shelter. He falls into the care of a man who is unlike Merlin in nearly every way... save his face and his air. He's even taken up a wife. Soon, Arthur starts to remember more aspects of his previous life, while Merlin seems to have all but forgotten his.</p><p>What will happen when Arthur starts to make him remember the time before?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>OKAY so I had b i g  problems coming up with an accurate summary. Basically; this is what would happen if Merlin was also Colin Morgan's character in "the Living and the Dead" (Nathan Appleby), who had lived so long, and regenerated so many times that he had forgotten about his previous life, until Arthur returns from the dead and coaxes the sorcerer back to his forward consciousness. </p><p>There's also a bit of a "is this real or am I just imagining it" thing going on. Either way, there's a happy ending for the two...</p><p>Thanks for getting this far ! </p><p>Also this is a crossover between "the Living and the Dead" and "Merlin," there is nothing that I have written about tlatd that is not in the first episode of the series, so spoilers are very minimal.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nathan had begun to doubt himself. He knew what he saw, and what he saw defied every theory, every law, and every known rule of his very expensive education. </p><p> </p><p>A few years before he came back to Somerset, England to visit his dying mother, he earned his diploma and went into practice. </p><p> </p><p>It was 1894, Sigund Freud was a charming, young idealist who had only just begun to burgeone his influence in the realm of psychology. While most of the medical world scorned Freud’s ludicrous ideas, Nathan thought there to be some truth in his methods of psychotherapy. In a brief, shining moment at a medical convention in Vienna, he even got to shake his hand. He was Star-struck to say the least. Nathan was able to build on his theories, and soon enough, he lived by them. In fact, it was written in stone in his mind, that no one phenomenon existed without a logical explanation for it’s being.</p><p> </p><p>This proved useful when he moved into the Shepzoy House (humbly deeming itself a house when a more accurate description would be manor,) which spread itself onto the English countryside. He returned, without meaning to stay. His mother had been ill for years, and was not expected to pass so soon.</p><p> The land given solely into his care, and he either had to care for it or sell it, and he couldn’t bear the latter. This was the home in which he had grown up, and it all seemed so familiar when he returned. He’d felt as though he’d never left, only that he had grown heaps and bounds since he had last seen it as a child at the age of eighteen. These years gone were also evident on his mother’s aged face, as she laid, a little less than peacefully, in what would be her death bead. </p><p> </p><p>For Nathan, now was a man. He was charming and worldly, although some of the villagers he’d known from his childhood, thought him to have become pretentious and well-to-do. After all, what was a big city man to do out in the farmlands?</p><p> </p><p>His posh London accent served only as a reminder. </p><p> </p><p>His wife, Charlotte, had never been so in love with anyone else. She idolized him; thought him to be the cleverest man she’d ever met. When he smiled down at her, she beamed. It felt like she was the only one he saw. She felt the desire of his love, but she felt the focus of everything else from him too.</p><p>Lately, he had grown too attached to his work. He began to internalize the anguish of some of his patients, and oftentimes when he came home to their little London flat, he was quick to lash out. </p><p> </p><p>When the land fell into his hands, she urged him to stay and keep it. Thought the countryside might do him good. Little did she know how much it would tear him apart. </p><p> </p><p>They tended to the crops together. It was hard work, but they grew fond of it. It was only two weeks after they’d settled into the manor, that the villagers started to report sightings.</p><p> </p><p>He’d started to take some of them on as patients. And he smiled and told the priest’s daughter that he didn’t believe in ghosts, six days before he had her exorcized. </p><p> </p><p>It was only when he started seeing things himself, things that could not possibly be real, things like his dead son’s voice whining to be held, or a lady at the bottom of the lake who pierced him with knowing eyes and then altogether disappeared; it was then, when he really started to question what he knew of this world. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nathan Appleby was settling into the late evening. He sat at his desk in the drawing room and scribbled out a few last thoughts by the light of his lamp before he would retire for the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This morning, he had met his grizzliest case yet. A village boy, no older than thirteen, clambered up to his door with blood spilt down his shirt. He explained to Nathan, between panicked sobs that he had no idea what had happened, he had just suddenly awoke kneeling in the middle of a field with blood on his hands and his lifeless brother lying in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A mere two weeks ago, Nathan would have comfortably chalked it up to an extreme dissociation, but lately he wasn’t sure the explanation was so easy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d always heard stories of this land, that the soil was rich with spirits. There was no shortage of local tales that described hauntings of those who wronged the dead. Of course he payed these no truth as a child, but now he was older and despite his training and what he wanted to believe, he too, saw evidence of life after death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was scary how quickly he reacclimated himself to his previous life, the one he’d worked so hard to shed. Growing up, he always felt as though he didn’t belong there. There was something always missing, but he couldn’t quite place it. So he buried himself in his work, trying to find either happiness or answers, he almost didn’t care which. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charlotte had been good to him through this confusing and tumultuous time. This afternoon, after his nerves had been shaken, she linked their arms and proceeded to drag him around the park. It was a nice day for a walk. The leaves were starting to change, and it took his mind off things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte knew just what to do, tug him along by the arm and jabber on. She never really expected him to answer when she did this, she just wanted him to know that she was there for him when he needed her. He was thankful to her for this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> And he never could say no to Charlotte. Her strong-will was so endearing to him, that even when he was angry he knew she meant well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembered well the first time he laid eyes on her. It was a lecture hall in Essex, and he was the lecturer. Nathan was speaking on theories of how hypnosis affects the amygdala and he was a phenomenal speaker, ask anyone. But when his eyes shifted around to each face and eventually fell onto the only woman in the room, he was at a loss of words. She was stunning. Her bright red hair was elaborately woven into a braid that hung over her breast. She wore a cool blue frock that illuminated her eyes. She must have been the center of some sort of Renoir painting. Charlotte looked at him knowingly, as if daring him to continue. He fumbled a bit with his thoughts from then on out, but after dismissal, he couldn’t help but run after her and ask her to dinner. He looked fondly over this memory, even if he had acted a bit of a fool.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mind drifted over recent events. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan snapped back to reality with a rapping on the door. He glanced at the grandfather clock near the doorway. It was well past midnight. He rubbed his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who could it possibly be at this hour.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard the door open and Charlotte yelp, as he got up to make sure everything was alright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charlotte?” He heard himself call, “What is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Standing in the doorway was a shivering man, no taller than he, covered head to toe in dirt and grime, with only a ratty old shawl to warm him. The man looked thankfully to Charlotte who had already begun to help him in, when he caught Nathan’s gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man's bright eyes grew impossibly wide. It was perhaps the cleanest thing about him. The man just gaped for what seemed like an hour but was likely only a few seconds. He muttered a breathless “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” before the man’s eyes fluttered shut and his knees gave out from under him. He collapsed on the doorstep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nathan, help me get him inside!” She hauled him up by the ankles as Nathan held his torso. The two carried him up the stairs and gently laid him in the nearest bed. Charlotte wiped away all smut she could reach with a cloth, fully knowing she would be washing the sheets tomorrow. Nathan stood in the doorway and watched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A powerful mood overtook him. The more Charlotte uncovered his face, the more he couldn’t help but feel as though he’d seen this man before, but he couldn’t place where. The man was younger than he seemed just a moment ago. He was just about as old as Nathan, if not a year or two younger. He had a sharp, european face, and gaunt cheeks as though he hadn’t properly eaten in a few days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps he’d met him in a dream. As soon as the thought dawned on him he dismissed it. He’d never met this man before in his life. The whole thing was ludicrous. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>_____________________</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Arthur opened his eyes, light was streaming in from the window. It must’ve been mid-morning. For a second, he had no recollection of where he was or how he got there. This room did not look like his own. The walls were painted sea blue, and the bed frame was made out of dark wood. He rolled over to find a woman rummaging through the matching bureau. (The same dark wood that very nicely tied the room together. He didn’t think that Merlin had it in him.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her for a second. It was the woman that he recognized only from greeting him at the door. She was startlingly vibrant. Unlike any combination of colors Arthur had ever seen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned to him and jumped when she noticed him awake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” She yelped, “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been fast asleep for nearly three days… God, himself, couldn’t rile you from a slumber like that.” She smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” He said curtly, fiddling with his nightshirt. It was clearly not his own. It smelled of someone else, and was a touch big for him. Even the fabric it was made out of was unlike any he’d ever worn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She folded the clothes over her forearms. “I’m just grabbing a few things for the day… We would’ve put you in the Guest Room, but this was the closest bed… You really gave us a scare.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s shirt is this?” It was not a woman’s shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte looked at him curiously. This man had just stumbled into their house, and he was inquiring about clothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s my husband’s. He has no trouble with you wearing it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does anyone else live here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, him and I- and the help who come during the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… the man who greeted me at the door that was…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nathan, yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nathan…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur was confused. It was Merlin he saw. It looked</span>
  <em>
    <span> just </span>
  </em>
  <span>like him - or rather, an older more put together version of his friend. But the eyes - he could not mistake the eyes. Not after everything. Arthur recounted the old wizard who had attempted to save his father, and slay his sister all those years ago. He’d had plenty of time to ruminate on his past, and he metally kicked himself for not figuring it out sooner. Arthur was also amiss that Merlin used to be a tall, lanky boy, and since his absence, had grown into a sturdy man, if the size of his shirt or the brief view Arthur had of him were any proof.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But why would he change his name? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe I was wrong… maybe that isn’t him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur had every reason to believe that this man wasn’t his friend. Afterall, he had no idea how long it had been since he’d seen Merlin- the </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> Merlin. Even the few words he’d heard him say told him this was a different person. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, he couldn't shake the feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, well… I’ll ready breakfast, you take your time and come down when you’re fit… D’you think you’ll need help down the stairs?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! No, I should be fine by myself.” Arthur sat up, “and please, allow me to apologize. You have been very courteous taking me into your home, and I have acted without grace. My name is Arthur.” He held out his hand for her to shake. She looked at it for a second before shaking it confusedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charlotte Appleby, nice to meet you.” She gave him a polite smile before she continued, “Oh, I’ve laid out some clothes for you on the dresser. I hope you don’t mind, you didn’t seem to have any with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes… thank you, that is much appreciated.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and left him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur swung his legs over the side of the bed. They were stiff from disuse. He sat for a moment, trying to remember where he was before here, but all that came to him were sharp memories of pure darkness. He remembered bits and pieces of his life in Camelot, and then he awoke here. The space in between was completely hazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decided to let it be. All he knew was that he was Arthur, and he had just seen his friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He found a small room with a water basin and a few other contraptions that he didn’t understand. He washed himself, and looked in the mirror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A lot of the dirt had been cleaned, but there were still some spots left over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes- </span>
  </em>
  <span>He remembered- </span>
  <em>
    <span>pushing up from the cold, wet Earth, and wondering, aimlessly through a village. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chills ran down his spine. His face was different, it was hard to explain. His cheeks had hollowed, and short shaggy stubble lined his jaw and chin. Arthur couldn’t recall the last time he looked into a mirror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found a razor in the cupboard, and decided to shave himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur finished up and pulled on the clothes left for him. (He had a bit of trouble for these were fashions he was not used to, but he managed.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He found his way into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at you! You clean up nicely.” Charlotte beamed. She sat him down at a small square table near a large window. The sky outside was light and colorless. Their plates were already made. Each plate had a few wild strawberries, a slice of toast with jam, and a small bowl of porridge. He waited for her, not because it was polite, but he wanted to watch her eat something before he also dug in. She brought a third plate to the table and sat down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a bite of the toast with a crunch, and wiped some excess jam off her lip when she heard the sound of footsteps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nathan, honey, come have some breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m late as it is.” He smiled, kissing her on the cheek. His face briefly fell into some sort of acknowledgment when he glanced to his guest. That feeling had crept back that he had seen this man before. This time it was stronger. Now that he was clean… and blond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come, sit with us. I’ve made you breakfast.” Charlotte pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin sat down to the plate remembering his manners towards his guest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pleased to meet you, I’m Nathan Appleby.” He held out his hand to Arthur and smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Any doubt of this being a stranger vanished from Arthur.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This was him. Those were his eyes and his lips.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was unclear whether Merli- Nathan, in turn, recognized him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan wore a short beard that covered the skin of his lower face. Merlin, however, likely never would have been able to grow facial hair. Nathan's hair was still dark, as it had been, but it was long and brushed past his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Those ridiculous ears...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur wondered if they stuck out from his head like they had on Merlin.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe that's why he wore his hair this way.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt himself staring again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arthur. Arthur Pendragon.” He shook his hand. He remembered Merlin revealing himself to be a sorcerer. What if this were some well-thought plan to keep suspicions about his magic at bay?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What has happened since I’ve been away?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan looked at him, after a spoonful of porridge. “Arthur... like the stories?” He wiped his face with a napkin, “As in King Arthur?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe he did remember.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me, Arthur. Where were you before that you dressed yourself in only the finest layer of mud?” There was a twinkle in his eye as if he were half joking and half truly looking for the answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To be honest, I remember very little before I woke up this morning.” Arthur stared directly into Nathan’s inquisitive eyes. He wanted to show himself to be earnest, but he also was looking for some glimmer of recollection from Nathan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is strange.” Nathan stated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur was mesmerized. His accent, his eloquence, even the timber of his voice had changed from the boy he knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am trained in psychology… If you like, I could try to help you unlock some of what you’ve lost- If you’re interested, of course.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan quietly watched him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur had hardly heard him. When it finally permeated his understanding, he nodded to Nathan, “Yes, I would like that very much.” The thought of talking to him one-on-one excited him, and Arthur knew that he would get some answers. “Thank you both so much for your hospitality. I don’t have much, but there must be a way for me to repay you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could help us in the fields.” Charlotte chimed in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan laughed, “He shouldn’t have to do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I want to.” Arthur said with honesty, “I’ll help in any way I can.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Nathan said firmly, looking at him again. “Room and board for hard labor, I’d say that’s a good deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan clapped Arthur on the shoulder, and Arthur felt blood rush to his cheeks. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The work was physically harder than anything Arthur had ever done before. Long hours doing the same laborious motions, made his body cry. It didn’t help that he hardly slept last night. He had grown used to sleeping on the cold, hard ground, and the bed that was given to him, as soft as it was, took a little longer to welcome him comfortably.</p><p>His thoughts swam around his head with more clarity than he can remember having. He couldn’t recall events in the time between, but he did recall dying.</p><p>Oh god, he<em> died</em>. </p><p>When he realized this, he sat bolt upright in bed. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How am I alive?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Am I alive?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>There had been only one who stayed by his side during that time, and it just so happened that Arthur was currently lying in this same man’s bed. He thought back to the moment Merlin told him he was a sorcerer, and Arthur had just scoffed. The time was hazy, but the more he reflected, the more came back to him.</p><p>He hadn’t believed Merlin. He hadn’t believe Merlin for so long. How could he? The idea that his closest friend -his <em>only</em> friend- would lie to him about this… through everything. With all his father had taught him. He couldn’t bring himself to forgive Merlin for lying, but he also couldn’t bring himself to be angry. </p><p>If Merlin was the same man inside and out, he gave no sort of impression that he knew. </p><p> </p><p>It had been a week and a half since Arthur came to them. Since then, he had relocated to the guest room, learned the ways of the fields, and never directly spoke to Nathan outside of exchanging pleasantries. There was just too much work to be done.</p><p>The work started to felt good on his muscles which had atrophied from all these years of disuse. He could tell that he was starting to gain much of his strength back.</p><p> </p><p>One afternoon, after taking their midday break from tending to the crops, Arthur found himself sitting under the shade of a great oak. Nathan sat down beside him. He laid on his back, propping himself up by his elbow. It looked like a pose Sir Gwaine would have done.</p><p>Between bites of apple Nathan asked, “Is that your real name, Arthur Pendragon?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur smiled, “It is the name my father gave me.”</p><p>“And his name?” </p><p>Arthur looked at him with a smirk on his lips. “Uther.” </p><p>“Yes, of course.” Nathan smiled, “I know the tale.” </p><p>Nathan continued to amuse his thoughts over the sweetness of the fruit.</p><p>He was so comfortable.</p><p>“I’m parched. Would you mind accompanying me back to the house?” </p><p>Arthur nodded.</p><p>Nathan stood, tossing the core into the woods, and offering Arthur his untainted hand. Arthur took it, and was pulled up by the wrist. </p><p> </p><p>There was a strange sense of foreign comradery. The kind Arthur had felt when he had just employed Merlin into his services, and contrary to what he would recount, began to enjoy having him around.</p><p>They chatted lightly on the walk back, but it wasn’t until Nathan sat down at the kitchen table with two cups of tea that he asked anything serious.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you remember anything of your life before coming here?” </p><p>Arthur took a sip of tea. He didn’t know how much he should share and how much he should keep secret. </p><p>It all felt strangely intimate. Nathan had a way of looking so incredibly interested with whomever he spoke, that it seemed like nothing else mattered except for the words he was about to say. </p><p>It reminded Arthur of his last moments, with Merlin. </p><p> </p><p>They were so close. Anything he might have wanted to say to his friend, had to be condensed into fragmented sentences, for he was running out of the energy as it was. He remembered feeling Merlin’s tears drop onto his face moments after he closed his eyes. And his pleas - <em>God,</em> - it broke his heart to hear Merlin grieve.</p><p> </p><p>And it crushed him even more to look onto this man’s face now, and see absolutely no recollection of any of that in his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” He said pointedly, “yes, I remember quite a bit.”</p><p>“Good.” </p><p>“There are, however, some gaps…” as soon as it escaped his lips he knew that he should not have said it. </p><p>“What do you mean, gaps?” </p><p>If this was Merlin, his Merlin, he had no idea what kind of game he was playing.</p><p>“You don’t remember?” Arthur whispered calmly.</p><p>“Remember what?” The smile on Nathan’s face faded into concern. </p><p> </p><p>It felt like someone was held his throat and squeezing every time he gave Arthur a blank stare. If he hadn’t come back for Merlin, then why the hell was he here?</p><p> </p><p>“Hey-” Nathan lightly grasped Arthur’s arm, “are you alright?”</p><p>“Fine! Yes, sorry. I find myself sunken into my head a lot lately.” Arthur put his glass down before he could absent-mindedly drop it.</p><p> </p><p>“I, myself, sometimes find it difficult to remember a life before this one.” Nathan offered. </p><p> </p><p>Oh, he was clever. He knew the best way to get someone to open up was to pretend to open up himself. Nathan was both troubled and intrigued by the engulfed association of his guest to the legends, but what fascinated him the most, was that Arthur knew how it all looked. He seemed to know how ludicrous it seemed to be. </p><p>Generally, in the cases with patients of abnormal perception, they claim to be some holy figure or legend, and they scream it from the rooftops. But Arthur wasn’t going around claiming to be the King of the Round Table himself, but as Nathan pried into him, the more Arthur obviously believed these statements to be true. He was calm and apologizing for the absurdity of it.</p><p> </p><p>And that brief moment, that fateful night when they took him in, Nathan had heard him. Arthur recognized him as “Merlin,” and proceeded to never refer to him as such again. </p><p> </p><p>Nathan was baffled. There was no such mania in Arthur nor psychosis. </p><p> </p><p>There was a spark in Arthur’s eyes as he said this. Arthur didn’t know how this whole thing worked. He knew it had been centuries since he’d been born. He was no sorcerer. But in this moment he saw a glimmer of evidence that Merlin was in there somewhere.</p><p> </p><p>“I certainly don’t know what I would have done without Charlotte.” </p><p>“She seems lovely.”</p><p>“Yes, she is.” </p><p>Arthur detected a wavering note in his voice as he said these words.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever been in love?” And just like that, Nathan was smiling at him again. </p><p>“Yes, I was married for a while, and I loved her… but there was someone else.”</p><p>“You dog!” </p><p>Arthur smiled, growing a little more comfortable.</p><p>“And where is she now?”</p><p>His heart sagged at the question.</p><p>“She’s uh... She’s dead.” He said not wanting to discuss the other.</p><p>“I’m so sorry to hear that.” </p><p>There was a brief pause.</p><p>“Thank you, but she’s been gone for a long time.”</p><p>“And the other?” </p><p>Arthur looked at him. He did not want to divulge any sort of information regarding the fact that he used to lie awake at night dreaming about his manservant. The man that Arthur believed was somewhere inside of him. </p><p> </p><p>It was then that Charlotte barged through the front door and ran for the pitcher of water. Arthur was thankful for the diversion, but Nathan’s gaze didn’t leave him for sometime. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The rest of the day passed quietly</p><p>Arthur had discovered the small library in the drawing room. He plucked a book with a beautiful green cover, and gold lettering lining the front. He opened it and found that he recognized most of the letters but none were strung together to make anything that held any sort of meaning to him. </p><p>He blinked a few times. He was able to read before. </p><p>Arthur shut the book angrily. </p><p> </p><p>“Why am I here?!” he asked himself outloud. He wanted to scream. Everything about this life was different. He could handle not having his previous luxuries, but existence itself, had shifted. He felt like a bird in a cage, with no meaning other than to be gawked at. </p><p> </p><p>He looked up. A young blonde woman stood in the doorway. </p><p>“Sir? I’m sorry, I-” she stammered, carrying a duster.</p><p>“No- no it’s fine. I’ll get out of your way.” </p><p>“No, feel free to stay, I’ll just be a minute. I’m Gwen, the help. Nice to meet you.”</p><p>Arthur looked at her and scoffed, “You must be joking.” He said this more to himself than to anyone else. She didn’t resemble his late wife in the slightest, but he still felt as though this were some cruel trick played by god to torture him.</p><p>She looked at him confusedly.</p><p>“Arthur.” He offered curtly. </p><p>
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</p><p>Nathan thought a lot about what Arthur had said to him. There was clearly something wrong, but his case was unlike anything he’d ever seen. He found himself peering over his book, lost in thought about this man. He put the book on his nightstand and extinguished the light. It was late, but he was not tired.</p><p>As soon as he settled in, Charlotte draped her arm across his body. </p><p> </p><p>Nathan’s previous theory that he had simply assumed the life as the modern day Arthur Pendragon, now for some reason, seemed unlikely to him. </p><p> </p><p>Nathan sighed and rubbed his eyes. The night was hot, and the warm breeze blew the drapes back from the windows. It was a clear night and he could see the stars shine from his position. He stared at the ceiling some more, before removing Charlotte’s arm carefully and getting up. </p><p>He shrugged unto his night-robe not bothering to tie it closed, he grabbed his pipe and headed for the porch. </p><p>Nathan didn’t expect to see another soul for the rest of night, but when he stepped outside, he saw the outline of a man lying in the grass. From where he stood, about forty paces away, he saw the man’s eyes search the stars in the moonlight. Nathan walked over to sit next to him.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur flinched when he approached. </p><p>He had been deep in thought. Looking out into the darkness seemed to bring more back to him. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright.” Nathan said with a smile, “I just came out to smoke, figured I’d join you since we’re both out here.”</p><p>Arthur watched as the other man drew his knees to his chest as he sat down. His hand cupped the match and he dunked it into the barrel of his short pipe. </p><p>“Couldn’t sleep?” Nathan offered, puffing out smoke.</p><p>Arthur didn’t move. He didn’t want to talk. Whatever he said, he knew that Nathan could never understand. </p><p>“Me neither.” He continued, “want some?” he held out his pipe to Arthur.</p><p>“I don’t smoke tobacco.”</p><p>“It’s not tobacco.” </p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Opium,” Nathan smiled a toothy grin. </p><p>Arthur looked at him for a moment and snorted in amazement. Nathan handed him the pipe, Arthur put his lips to the spout and inhaled deeply. </p><p>He coughed a bit as he exhaled, making the darker haired man chuckle. He handed it back, Nathan took a long drag and stared up at the stars on his exhale. </p><p> </p><p>Occasionally, Arthur caught mannerisms that he recognized. Even though Nathan seemed a bit older than Merlin, that youthful twinkle in his eyes was the same. As much as he hated when men wore their hair long, it looked well on Nathan, but then again, he was biased.  </p><p>He couldn’t help but notice what little pieces of Nathan’s body he could see under his robe. He remembered studying Merlin’s body as he worked. The man could no longer be considered lanky or thin. In fact, what Arthur could see in the darkness, were muscles that could rival his own when he was at the peak of his strength so many years ago.</p><p>Nathan didn’t notice him looking, he was deep in his own thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes I feel like the life I’ve led is somehow not correct. Or at least, it’s not the way I should be leading it, so I come up with scenarios in my head. I study people whom I find interesting so I can aim my character to be more like them.” Nathan confessed.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur sagged. He didn’t need to be told that he belonged in an asylum. He looked away. </p><p> </p><p>“But I don’t believe that to be true for you.” Nathan looked at him earnestly, squinting his eyes as he inhaled. He had a wise look on his face. </p><p>“I don’t know what you are, Arthur. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.” He continued to muse. “Sometimes I look at you, and I feel like you’ve always just been there in my life. I don’t know how to describe it.” </p><p>The more Nathan thought about it, the more he could swear that he remembered him from his dreams. Dreams he’d forgotten years ago. His face had been etched into his brain long since before he came to the house three weeks ago.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stared at him. He didn’t dare say anything, but it dawned on him that perhaps if he could get his memories back, maybe Merlin could too. The only problem is approaching the topic without scaring him off. Nathan was a smart man, he was well-educated and unlikely to believe a story as fantastical as this one. If only Arthur had Merlin’s powers…</p><p> </p><p>He would have to find another way to make him believe.</p><p><br/><br/><em>This was it.</em> He thought. <em>This is why I’m here.</em></p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>woow took me a while on this one. This story is not going where I thought it would !! </p><p>Next chapter should be saucy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur awoke with the rooster. He opened his eyes to discover the sun starting to peak over the horizon. He had fallen asleep under the sky and morning dew saturated his whole body. Looking around, he found Nathan continuing to sleep peacefully a foot or so beside him. </p><p>At some point during the night, Nathan shrugged off his robe and proceeded to sleep soundly on top of it. He still wore cotton shorts which covered all of the important parts, but Arthur could not help but stare at the parts he could see. He truly looked he had been sculpted from marble. </p><p> </p><p>It was then that Arthur became brutally aware of his body’s reaction to this realization, cursing himself inwardly. </p><p>His feelings for his servant started about a year after knowing him. Frankly, they had started a bit sooner, but it took a while to finally accept it, and even then he dismissed it as pure intrigue. </p><p>He’d often caught himself watching the way Merlin’s body moved, or noting the way his face lit up when he laughed. It was not worth wasting time entertaining the possibilities he could have with Merlin, since he knew nothing could ever come of it, even if there were a chance that Merlin felt the same. </p><p>Instead, Arthur had dedicated himself to finding a wife, and never spoke truthfully of what or whom he thought about when he reached into his trousers to seek relief. </p><p>Arthur had been dismayed to discover when Merlin displayed his magic during that last day, that a deep sense of arousal started to pool in his gut.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Nathan.” Arthur whispered. He’d never directly addressed him before by this name. It felt strange hearing it from his own lips. </p><p> </p><p>There was no movement. </p><p>Arthur tried again, this time nudging him gently with his hand. “<em> Nathan </em>.”</p><p>The man jolted awake and looked around, clearly confused.</p><p>“What are we doing here?” He asked in a (still not familiar) groggy London accent. </p><p>“We fell asleep here.” </p><p>Nathan looked up at him, and for a second Arthur thought he saw a spark of cognizance in his eyes. For a brief, shining second there was a sliver of recognition that it was, in fact, Merlin sitting beside him.</p><p>Arthur stood after the look faded. He offered his hand to him as he had done previously. Nathan took it, and was pulled to his feet. They were head to head.</p><p>To any onlookers, it might have looked strange; to men standing outside in a field at first light, one being nearly naked, and the other still in his night clothes. </p><p>Nathan picked up his robe and his pipe and the two headed into the house. He felt vaguely embarrassed, not just to have fallen asleep in his front yard but this strange feeling between them. He had woken beside his wife every morning for two years. This morning, he woke up with Arthur, and somehow that felt just as natural. He couldn't explain it. </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They didn’t speak directly for two days. The air felt sticky between them. Arthur heard fractions of an argument between Charlotte and Nathan through the wall. It was undoubtedly about him. He felt his time with them was drawing to an end. Not to mention, in a cruel twist of fate, Gwen started to flirt with the Appleby’s dashing new guest, who seemed to be staying indefinitely. Arthur was especially cold to her, in the hopes that she would cease. </p><p>It was difficult due to the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d released himself, and his body was starting to feel it. </p><p>It felt wrong to take himself in someone else’s house, but if this kept up much longer, he’d have to.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was starting to get anxious. It was clear that he was not meant for country life. The work was arduous but not stimulating. The harvest was coming to an end, and he feared that he would no longer be welcomed in their house when the work ran dry. He was running out of time.</p><p>Nathan began to busy himself in seeing more patients. At least once a day Arthur would turn the corner into the kitchen or walk down the halls and run into someone unfamiliar. </p><p> </p><p>Arthur watched a little girl walk out of the study looking dazed, she walked on straight through the doors where a young woman was waiting for her. Nathan followed, looking utterly exhausted, he caught Arthur’s glance then went to speak with the woman before she and the girl took off. </p><p>Nathan walked back to the house, his gaze not lifting from the ground. He tried to walk past the blond standing in the doorway, but Arthur caught his bicep in passing.</p><p>“Are you alright?” He looked concernedly. </p><p>Nathan couldn’t look at him. He pulled his arm away from his grip and raised his hand as if to say “<em> I won’t talk about this, </em>” and then he walked off.  </p><p>Arthur didn’t push. He seemed so alien to himself now. His whole demeanor shifted. Arthur had always known himself, even in the ways he didn’t want to. He was deliberate and cautious, and these things hadn’t changed but the intent behind them had.</p><p> </p><p>He busied himself by pouring over books. He was trying to teach himself the new script. It was clear that whatever magic that had brought him here, went only as far as spoken language. He knew that he was speaking a new tongue, he understood it, and he could not seem to recall the old. </p><p>Twelve-hundred years is a long time for language to progress without him. </p><p>He began to think about the other things. He was pretty sure he could remember the feeling of his body putting itself back together. It was an intensely painful process. In fact, Arthur’s soul had been somewhat conscious for the entire duration of his absence. This was something he would not permit himself to think too much about. </p><p> </p><p>A hand placed itself gently on Arthur’s shoulder. His head zipped around. Nathan was standing above him with a sollen look.</p><p>“I’ll invite you for a smoke on the condition that we discuss nothing of before.” </p><p>Arthur nodded and Nathan gave a small smile. </p><p>With pipe in hand, he followed him outside. This time, they sat in the garden and watched the sun disappear over the treeline. Talk was light- or lighter than it could be.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t seem to like country life much.” Arthur offered after watching him take a puff.</p><p>“I’m not sure that I do,” he said, passing the opium. “It’s a great place to clear one’s head, but my head seems a dreadful place to be.”</p><p>It was mesmerizing to hear Nathan speak. He was remarkably articulate and his voice itself was almost hypnotizing. </p><p>“Do you ever feel like you’ve lived a past life?” Arthur prodded. For as long as he’d spent in his household, he knew very little about Nathan’s philosophy. </p><p>“Yes, sometimes. You know there are many eastern religions that believe that after man dies, the soul is reincarnated into another being.” Nathan thought on that for a moment, “I suppose that makes sense to me. I’ve never been a very good christian... “ he smiled. It was that sparkling, jokester smile. “In my dreams, I often find myself living another’s life. Charlotte says that I might become a famous author if I would write them down. It’s all fantastical. What do you believe?”</p><p>“I think tha-”</p><p>“Mr. Appleby! Mr. Appleby, come quick!” a woman ran out onto the patio. She was frantic. Nathan sprung up to meet her. She had to catch her breath before she could give any word.</p><p>“Lucy- Lucy is dying. Please- help us.”</p><p> </p><p> Nathan’s eyes grew wide, he dropped the pipe and leapt towards the house. Arthur found himself following in the comotion. They ran to the barn, and saw that there was only horse readied.</p><p>Nathan and Arthur looked at each other in distress. They knew not what to do.</p><p>“Charlotte must be there already.. I must go and see to it.”</p><p>“Let me come,” Arthur said as Nathan hurriedly mounted the mare.</p><p>“There is no use for you.”</p><p>“I want to help!” Arthur shouted, It was the first time he felt himself returning. His true self.</p><p>Nathan looked away. There was no time to lose. He knew not the nature of the dismay, but it was clearly urgent. Nathan lent out his hand, and Arthur gripped it firmly as he pulled himself into the saddle. </p><p> </p><p>He hardly got situated before the two were kicked into action. The two rode into the night on the dark mare, following the woman through the woods. His breath grew sharp as cold wind slashed across his face. It was a wide saddle, but with every step his body was pushed against Nathan’s. </p><p>It felt strange to be so close to him. Arthur’s arms wrapped themselves around his waist. He could feel Nathan’s rapid heartbeat against the galloping of hooves, but neither was anything compared to blood throbbing in his head. Nathan’s shoulders arched tensely toward their destination. Arthur felt no warmth in the other’s body. </p><p>After what seemed like ages, the woman slowed her horse and Nathan reared the reins, practically jumping from the beast's back. As he tore across the path to the door he turned and shouted, “Tend to the horses!” Arthur had never expected Nathan to be so unhinged. </p><p>He got to tying both of the reins against the gate. The night was dark, and he felt eyes on him from the trees. There was screaming coming from inside. Arthur ran into the home.</p><p>He was getting used to being told what to do, although it was still wholly foreign to him. </p><p> </p><p>Arthur made his way into the little cottage. What he saw upon entering, was utterly horrific. Gusts of wind were tearing through every corner as though the roof had been upheaved. A small family stood petrified in the corner, the mother weeping into her husband’s shoulder. In the center of the large room, was the body of the same little girl he’d seen this morning, except that now she was convulsing. Her eyes had rolled back into her head and there was a voice that seemed to come from deep within the girl that clearly did not belong to her. Her lips and tongue did not move, but she still spoke clearly with the shrillness of a malicious old woman. Charlotte sat beside her pushing her shoulders to the floor, as the girl kicked and scratched to be free. Nathan knelt above her, “Lucy! Lucy, listen to me! I know you’re here! Listen to my voice!” </p><p>It was like she was an animal. </p><p>Arthur stepped forward to help hold her down. </p><p>“Charlotte go get the priest, take my horse.” Nathan growled. </p><p>Charlotte nodded and disappeared out the door.</p><p>In the midst of the insanity Nathan turned to Arthur with his brows furrowed and stated firmly, “I’m glad you’re here.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur nodded. He was glad he was here too. This was unlike anything he’d seen before. His skin prickled when he looked at the child. She was strong, and it was difficult to hold her. </p><p>“Lucy, fight her! You’re stronger than she is!” Nathan screamed.</p><p>Lucy wrenched her shoulders from Arthur’s grap and bolted upright. The girl gasped and glared at Nathan with a venomous smile. Her skin had a greenish tint, and there was a speck of vomit on the corner of her lip.</p><p>“I will have her.” The hellish voice howled. Lucy’s hands started to claw at her throat, leaving burning red lines, but her face did not change. It was as though her face was disconnected from her body and felt nothing. </p><p>“Lucy, follow my voice. Hear my words.” </p><p>Her body calmed itself a little, and her mumbled words lowered in volume. They were relieved to see her expression loosen.</p><p>“Lucy, still yourself. It’ll be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This was it. This is the new magic. This is Merlin.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>After ages Charlotte returned with a short, fat man.</p><p>“Good heavens!” </p><p>“Father, bless you for coming as fast as you did. Can you help her?” The man in the corner pleaded. </p><p>The priest turned to Nathan, “Mr. Appleby, I’m surprised to see you here.” Charlotte rushed to aid Arthur in keeping her to the floor.</p><p>“Yes well the child suffers from epileptic seizures, but as you can guess, that is not why I sent for you.”</p><p>The priest gave a sad smile at the irony. He started incanting in Latin, and the girl's convulsions grew more violent. She started to shriek, her limbs twisting erratically. The priest grew louder in response. </p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, her mouth!” Arthur shouted. He hadn’t realized what he’d said until it was out of him. </p><p>Sure enough, pure white liquid started to foam from her lips, she was gagging on it.</p><p> </p><p>“We have to roll her onto her side and keep her there!” Nathan shouted to him, having seemingly not noticed. </p><p> </p><p>It was ridiculously difficult to perform this task. Lucy seemed far stronger than one might expect, from her skinny little frame. It took the three of them, all their might, to hold her down as she jerked ceaselessly. The wind was wailing, the horses were squealing and it felt like the whole world was going to cave in on itself and give way to the fiery depths of hell. </p><p>The priest’s voice shook the ground in his final promises, and was joined by the screaming of the older woman. Until he finally raised his cross to God and the demon was expelled from her.</p><p> </p><p>Lucy promptly rolled over and vomited. She was hardly conscious for a minute before she passed out.</p><p>“Her heartbeat is much too slow. My sister is a nurse in London, let me take her there,” Charlotte pleaded. </p><p>“London is miles away! She needs rest,” said Nathan.</p><p>“She <em> needs </em> more care than we can give.”</p><p>Nathan conceedingly nodded. He knew she was right. </p><p>“I’ll take the mare, and hopefully be back by noontime tomorrow, any later and I’ll send a telegram.” </p><p>She looked to the family, as though she’d already acquired the permission she needed from her husband. (Not that she needed any. She always did what was right for her and that’s why he liked her so much.) </p><p>“May I?”</p><p>“Do what you must,” the mother nodded. </p><p>Lucy was too weak to even stand on her own. They wrapped her up in a blanket and Arthur hoisted her into Charlotte’s arms who had situated herself on the mare. </p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want me to go, in your place?” Nathan asked, concerned.</p><p>“Yes,” She smiled, “I’ll be quick about it. Don’t worry.” </p><p> </p><p>She rode off along the path, knowing it would be very late when she arrived. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for helping our child, Mr. Appleby,” Lucy’s father cried. “Please, let me drive you home. It’s really the least we can do!”</p><p>Nathan looked at him and gave him a small, dead smile, “Thank you, Mr. Thatcher, that would be much appreciated.” </p><p>Arthur could tell that he was torn up inside. There had been little either could do to help her, but they did the best they could. </p><p>They sat on the back of the wagon as they were driven home. </p><p>Arthur felt his self-doubt. He put his hand over Nathan’s. Nathan squeezed back, not looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>“How could I have been such a Clotpole?” Nathan whispered. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It struck him. That word. The one they’d joked about centuries ago. Arthur was the one to thank Mr. Thatcher when they pulled up to the manor. The man tipped his hat, expressed his gratitude once again, and went on his way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan was dragging behind. He looked a bit ill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur’s head was swimming. Merlin was clearly in there somewhere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan sat down at his desk and stared down at the blank paper of his notebook. He didn’t even know where to begin. He needed this night recorded in his patient files, but somehow all words evaded him. </span>
  <span>The room looked intimate at night. Despite it’s grand size, the lamp on his desk only illuminated that small corner, making its walls feel considerably closer. There was a fine mess on his desk. Different stacks of paper nearly covered the entire surface.</span>
  <span>Nathan rubbed his eyes, there was a small dull throb between his temples. He knew that attempting to sleep would be futile, it didn’t make sense to even try.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Arthur sat across from him. His voice was low and firm as it always was in times of seriousness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur got up and lit the hearth in the fireplace on the adjacent wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can talk to me.” Arthur said, looking into the fire. “Sometimes physicians need help too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d hardly call myself a physician,” Nathan smiled sadly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d have to disagree…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a pause. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why did you call yourself that? Earlier on the wagon... </span>
  <em>
    <span>clotpole</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know… it just sort of slipped out, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur smiled to himself, “It’s funny. I had a friend who used to use words like that. Actually, you remind me very much of him. Sometimes I wonder if you are kin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that why you keep referring to me as Merlin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur’s eyes twinkled as he looked up to him. He realized he was gaping and closed his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I suppose so.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>This was his time.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “We grew to be very close. He was my best friend... My</span>
  <em>
    <span> only</span>
  </em>
  <span> friend. And then I discovered - something about him that tore me apart. And I spent a lot of time blaming him, time I didn’t have. But what I didn’t realize at the time, is that I cared more for his company than his wrong-doing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur thought about this for a moment. He’d never said it outloud, he hadn’t even articulated it in his head but it was the truth and he knew it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was not one to often express his feelings and certainly not that of lament, but it was swallowing him up. He’d always been taught to push his feelings down if it didn’t concern the whole, as though he were the smallest cog in the great mechanical beast of society. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Nathan whispered, clearly intrigued by Arthur’s tale. He’d never seen the man like this. Nathan felt himself recently to be growing unsteady, he knew about himself less and less as the weeks passed. But he was learning about those around him. He was learning about Arthur. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I - I died.” Arthur’s throat clenched. It seemed absurd to say. “I died… and he was the only one there,” He closed his eyes as though he were only talking to himself, “I remember every second. I was there in Albion, I was struck, it wasn’t hard, but it was fatal. And he - he  carried me to the lake. I was gone before he could do anything, but he tried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan was staring at him. The skin around his eyes was red, but his irises were as blue as ever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Someone told me that he was the greatest sorcerer that ever lived. I’m not sure how you feel about that kind of thing, but I know I saw sorcery tonight with you.” Arthur eyed him, daring him to ask about it. He sighed, “I remember every second of my body regenerating. There are things a man should never know about himself. I know magic to be real.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you’ve died, why have you come back?” Nathan whispered. His headache had not subsided, but he hardly noticed it above their conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur thought for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“According to your legend, the greatest king is to rise again when Albion needs him most. But how can that be if Albion no longer exists? I can’t claim to know anything about magic or the process of life… not like you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am just a psychologist.” Nathan laughed harshly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur paused for a second. “Oh, you are so much more than that," he said earnestly. All traces of a smile vanished from Nathan's face as he listened intently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If Albion is dead,"Arthur continued, "its last piece remains within you. You must be the reason for my return.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan’s heartbeat quickened. His eyes were searing. He could feel anger rise from his throat. This whole thing was completely preposterous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If both of us have lived past lives, why are you the only one who remembers?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I... I don’t know.” Arthur couldn’t believe how much he was divulging. The way Nathan was looking at him made Arthur’s skin crawl. Complete and utter disbelief was splattered across his face. “I think that you’ve lived so many lives since that you’ve forgotten your true purpose.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan had to close his eyes. He grunted as he pinched the bridge of his nose. The pain behind his eyes had grown immense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur sat there looking at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see evidence of him in you. I saw it the second I met you. I know he’s still here...” And he knew he was right. He knew that magic still lived. He’d seen it tonight. So then, why is this so hard to believe?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan gasped. Tears ran down his cheeks from the burning. Something was happening to him, It felt like his brain was pushing out of his skull and it was excrutiating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to open his eyes, but he felt like he was looking into a blinding white light. He couldn't think. He couldn't speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur abruptly stood. He went around the desk to examine Nathan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Open your eyes.” Arthur commanded, standing over him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did so. Arthur wasn’t sure he believed what he saw. He roughly pushed Nathan’s chin up and leaned towards his face to make sure it wasn’t a trick of the light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart skipped a beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was no trick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nathan’s irises were burning gold, and he was trembling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Arthur-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he said in a shaky whisper, looking up at him in fear. It was not Nathan’s voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While his eyes didn’t seem to give him anymore pain, they didn’t return to their normal color. HIs body was still changing. Arthur could see a few veins protruding under the skin of his neck from strain, and his face breaking out in sweat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Merlin...?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dark haired man didn’t say anything. His panicked, glowing eyes searched around the room, to his own hands, finally landing back on Arthur. The worry on his face didn’t abate, instead he pushed himself up to his feet, shaking, but meeting Arthur head-to-head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With one hand, he touched Arthur’s face. He let his fingers run over the blond’s cheekbone and lip, before finally wrapping themselves around the nape of his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was really here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur couldn’t help but stare. There was something so incredibly familiar in his face and his eyes, especially now, that they were staring back at him. A sense of recognition. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin examined the blond's existence for what felt like ages. Arthur didn’t rush him. He didn’t really want it to end either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin blinked some sort of thought away and shook his head to himself. He looked back to Arthur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His touch felt electric. Merlin closed the space in a sense of urgency, watching the movement of the other man’s lips. He kissed him deeply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur didn’t open his eyes immediately when Merlin pulled away slightly. This is what he had wanted for centuries, he couldn’t help but savor it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked over Arthur’s face, trying to gage some sort of reaction. Every time Merlin looked at him with his lambent eyes, the skin on Arthur’s neck prickled and blood shot to his groin. He was just trying to count in his head all the times he’d quietly wished for this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin pulled him in again, this time holding Arthur’s face with one hand, and his other hanging loosely on the cleft of his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time it was passionate. They both knew what they wanted, and they were going to have it. Their bodies ached to be touched by the other. Arthur threw his arms around his shoulders. Merlin had returned with hunger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood in the corner of the study, embracing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin’s magic was really starting to wake up. Twelve hundred years of pent up energy began to pour through his finger tips. Every point at which their bodies connected, there was a pleasurable little sting that lit the skin. Arthur backed Merlin against the desk, kissing him harder. He wanted to taste every corner of him, as he’d been so petrified to do before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they paused for breath, Merlin looked onto his face with his gold eyes, he was panting with his lips parted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was beautiful. Even with his face away from the fire, his eyes burned bright and looked sweetly at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you a god?” Arthur asked stupidly through the haze of lust.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to be?” He asked shining one of those lopsided grins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was his voice. No longer the deep tenor of Nathan Appleby, but the boyish intonation of his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin leaned in close and whispered, “I’ve missed you, Arthur Pendragon,” before kissing him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur felt himself grow hard at the sound of his name coming from Merlin's lips. He cherished the sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur desperately wanted him to keep talking as he nipped at Merlin’s neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been waiting for you for ages, you prat!” The dark haired man shrugged off his vest, started to unbutton his shirt. Arthur sat back and watched the whole thing.</span>
  <span>He couldn’t help but recall all the times he’d undressed in the times of Camelot, secretly hoping that Merlin would make some sort of advance. He had never quite imagined it like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, when Merlin spread apart the fabric to present himself, he did it just for him. He could have rivaled one of his knights with this body, hell, he could have rivalled Arthur. He was no longer pale and thin like the boy he had once been. The glances Arthur had stolen in the yard, hadn’t done him justice - or perhaps it was the fact that he was now undressing himself for a very specific reason.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur started to remove his clothing as well. Merlin ran his fingertips over Arthur’s torso, which elicited a soft moan from his throat. Merlin had seen the blond’s body hundreds of times, but it was never previously for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were light purple marks that contrasted his tanned skin from his body putting itself back together, but it didn’t matter. It was all beautiful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin touched the spots, light sparking from the contact. The spots started to dissipate, as he stroked the skin. It vaguely stung, but Arthur found himself enjoying it nonetheless. And Merlin held him close during the whole thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Merlin had finished, he got to work undoing the buttons of Arthur’s trousers. </span>
  <span>Merlin grinned, pushing the fabric away and brushing his skin with his fingertips. He loved it when he touched him. He loved the magic buzzing on his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By now, the boys were completely naked. They stood together touching each other, completely enrapt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn't feel strange, despite the fact that they had not truly seen eachother in centuries. The pieces just fell into place as though they had never left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur couldn’t imagine how he managed to live without him before. He was still shocked that he stood in his presence. This was his smell and his goofy temperament even in the heat of passion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin laughed when Arthur looked down at his body. It wasn’t harsh laughter, more of amusement of his surprise. He was elated to be here in this way, and he really couldn’t keep a smile from his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knelt before the blond, still smiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to make you feel good.” Merlin said, still looking up at him with blazing eyes, “Can I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur nodded enthusiastically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin kissed the tip, making the other shudder. Arthur had never been with a man before. It was never something he really thought was possible for him. It scared him to do it now, it made his heart beat fast, and his brain shut down in the best way possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, he would be thinking about this night for the rest of his life. He could feel Merlin’s tongue on the underside of his cock. He moaned at the feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a deep sense of arousal in his belly, which he only felt getting heavier by the second. Just before he thought he was going to spill into Merlin’s mouth, the dark haired man removed himself. He stood as he licked his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur realized he was breathing fast, but went in to kiss him anyways. This was unbelievable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could taste himself on Merlin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arthur, could you… I need you to…” He managed between kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was going to stay, he needed to expel as much of Nathan from his body as he could. He was at the point of physically needing release.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur blinked, he was startled by his words, if not incredibly aroused. Then as if knowing exactly what he was doing, he grabbed Merlin’s wrist and dragged him upstairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get on the bed,” he heard himself growl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin felt his gut go heavy with the words as he obeyed. Arthur kissed him on the lips again then pushed his shoulder back into the mattress. His legs hung over the side as Arthur stood by him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin’s body was still dripping with magic. It was as though it was alive and sentient. It pulled Arthur towards him. The blond got to work, he pushed Merlin’s legs apart and prodded the entrance with his finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d done this with the first woman he’d slept with. She was tight and inexperienced, and he imagined it’d hurt on the first go if he tried to just slip right in. But the truth was that Merlin was ready to take him.</span>
  <em>
    <span> All</span>
  </em>
  <span> of him.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>He moaned when Arthur pushed inside him. This body had never felt that sensation before. It was like he was having for the first time, but without the pain. Arthur leaned over, the magic gripping him and caressing him as he laid kisses on Merlin’s chest. He had one hand keeping himself securely over the bed, and the other clutched Merlin’s thigh, which was hiked up behind him around Arthur’s waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin tousled the blond hair mindlessly, clearly preoccupied. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy. It certainly wasn’t as Nathan. Nathan was always more sensitive, more susceptible to Merlin’s existence in the back of his mind, and he concerned himself with it greatly. He went to learn psychology so that he could understand himself better. If only he’d known the consequences. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur panted as he looked onto his lover’s face. His eyes were glowing onto him, filling him in turn with light. He didn’t last long after that. He could feel the magic seeping into him with every movement and it was all remarkable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At one point, Arthur thrusted hard and Merlin tossed his head back with a “</span>
  <em>
    <span>yes ! </span>
  </em>
  <span>” and it was all over for the both of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur stuttered a moan as he spent himself his whole body filling with bliss, Merlin following close behind. Arthur threw himself on the bed next to him as Merlin smiled warmly to himself with his eyes closed, both starting to come down from their ecstasy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur put his hand to his forehead, smiling. His face red and his heart was thumping vigorously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was fucking briliant.” He muttered to the ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin hummed in acknowledgement, looking at him. He graced his fingertips across the blond’s chest, petting it slightly and giving him goosebumps at the contact. Arthur picked up the hand and kissed it. He pulled strongly out so that Merlin was forced to come closer to him, which Merlin abided by happily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They fell asleep with Merlin draped across his torso. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for the wait !<br/>Also I'm reading Pride &amp; Prejudice so the language used might reflect the pretentious variance of the English Bourgeoisie of the 18th century.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Arthur awoke sweetly with the taste of Merlin still on his lips. He ran his fingers through dark locks until Merlin mumbled something contentedly. Arthur looked out the window at the heavy white mist that splayed itself over the English hills. It was a cool temperature, as though the sun itself was sleepily rising, but it was warm here in the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could not remember the last morning he woke up like this. Sleeping next to someone, anyone, let alone the one he missed most, gave him immense comfort. Merlin lifted his head from his sleep and set it down on the pillow next to the blond. He raised his eyes to his lover, which had gone back to blue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re still here…” Merlin smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you expect me to leave?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin didn’t answer. Part of him thought this was all a dream, or maybe that Arthur would vanish when he woke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One thing was for sure, Merlin’s consciousness was at the forefront of his body and he remembered everything. Everything from Nathan, everything from his past lives, and certainly everything from Arthur. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Arthur asked, watching the other’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin paused for a second and smiled, “There’s nothing wrong… I was just thinking that you and I are the only people in this world that have memories of Camelot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur thought about this for a second. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He was right. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It felt like a lonely existence, but less so now since Merlin had truly returned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How much of it do you remember?” Arthur found himself asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin smiled, thinking back upon it. “I remember every second. I hated you for a month after I became your servant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur chuckled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Later I realized it was because I wanted to be with you, but I knew I never could.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was never very easy on you.” He whispered, almost as an apology, “probably for the same reasons...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They laid there face to face. Arthur’s fingers curling themselves mindlessly around Merlin’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...But I’m glad you remember now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin placed a chaste kiss to his lips, “I never really forgot, I was just reborn. It was as you said.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur felt his cheeks burn. He was deeply grateful to be here in this way. But he couldn’t help but think of the meaning of his regeneration.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you… do you know why I’m here?” Arthur stumbled, trying to articulate what he meant to say, and knew that he wasn’t quite successful. It was still painful to recognize that everyone he knew and loved was gone. All aspects of this life were different. Merlin was the only one he could depend on for solace, and that scared him. He’d never depended on anyone for anything important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin pressed his lips into a thin line as he thought about what he was going to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t tell you how it works exactly, but it’s very old and very powerful magic that brought us here. You’re special, Arthur...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still couldn’t get used to his name coming from </span>
  <em>
    <span>Merlin’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...You were always meant to bring peace when we needed it most.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin could see the distress on Arthur’s face. He knew it was hard for him to understand and he was sorry that he had no other answers for him other than “it was simply your destiny.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The world seemed unkind to Arthur. He was a stranger in a strange land that had once belonged to him so many years ago, but had since rolled over him without a care. The only comfort he was given was Merlin, and for him, he was eternally grateful. But of course, it would take getting used to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Merlin was exhilarated to be here in this copacity. He’d wished for nothing else. But there were tumultuous times ahead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was clear that magic was largely returning to the land, but it manifested into something far more sinister, something hardly controllable at mortal hand. After centuries of vast disuse, the unrealised energy had seeped into the crust of the Earth and infected the dead, who used it to seek vengeance for life. Nathan had seen it a dozen times, but Merlin was the only one who had enough understanding to really help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luckily, the New Religion, now seasoned, borrowed many practices from the Old Religion. Exorcisms could keep malicious souls at bay, but just for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whomever had taken hold of Lucy, would return within a lifetime with three fold the fury. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let me make you breakfast.” Merlin cooed, wishing to ward off this talk for a time when he felt more prepared to have it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They collected a few eggs from the coop, and cracked them over a pan. They ate happily, making light conversation. Arthur had so many questions for him, but he held off knowing that Merlin had only recently been truly resurrected.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m thinking about going clean-shaven, what d’you think?” Merlin asked, cleaning his dish over the spout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur looked at him for a second then brought his hand up to stroke Merlin’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this is a good look on you,” after a moment of silence, he playfully added, “it covers your ridiculous ears.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love my ears.” Merlin purred contentedly and kissed him. It went on a bit longer than either of them expected, but neither wanted to let go. Arthur grabbed his waist to pull him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re beautiful.” He whispered earnestly when he finally pulled away for breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin laughed, then his face dropped as he looked over Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur turned to see what he was gaping at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gwen, the maid, stood silently staring at them through the archway that divided the kitchen from the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gwen-” Merlin started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs. Appleby will hear about </span>
  <em>
    <span>this!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She claimed shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Gwen, let me explain-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, there’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> for you to say to me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gwen, listen to my voice,” he calmly stated, walking towards her, “I am not Nathan, something has happened that I cannot explain.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He touched her shoulder, his eyes turned gold, and for a second, hers did too. He pushed all of his knowledge and memories of Arthur over her like a wave in the ocean. She stood dumbfounded, just looking at the both of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will tell Mrs. Appleby myself. Arthur and I must not remain here, but I will do my best to have your employment retained.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at him without words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” He added realizing he’d never done that before. He wasn’t completely certain how much he had just shown her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded slowly, gazing past him to Arthur. She looked him up and down silently gauging his body of which she’d just seen without clothing multiple times in multiple compromising positions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><br/><br/><br/>_________<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two waited for Charlotte to return. Merlin wasn’t nervous about the confrontation, but he knew Charlotte to be a good woman, and she didn’t deserve to be hurt like this. When he heard a horse trod up to the way, his heart jumped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was it. This is what he wanted, and he could delay no longer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He went out to meet her. He had it planned out in his head. He would attempt to first verbalize what had happened, and when that would subsequently fail, he would show her the same way as he had with Gwen. He didn’t expect her to take it well and he accepted this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hugged him as soon as she saw him. It likely hadn’t been an easy night for her, so he obliged, but it made him uncomfortable, knowing that he wasn’t the man she thought she was speaking to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charlotte, may I speak with you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up at him  with a concerned expression, “Are you alright? You sound different. What is this about, last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m quite alright, thank you. And yes, something has happened, please come into the house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nervously followed him. When they got to the living room, Merlin threw a cautious glance to Arthur. She sat herself on the couch while the others stood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t going to be easy to understand…” he started, “...but um - I am not Nathan. I was never really him, he was like a visitor in my body- it’s a long story but I’ll do the best I can to explain it. Um… well it’s kind of like what happened last night, that sort of magic-” Merlin was struggling for words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What he’s trying and failing to say is that magic exists, we all saw it last night, and Nathan inhabited Merlin’s body due to the same magic, but your husband’s gone now. I’m sorry, I know how ridiculous that all sounds, but it’s the truth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at them incredulously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Merlin?” she asked, looking at her husband.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes… that’s why he sounds like an idiot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin scowled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you probably have a lot of questions, but if you could let him show you, I’m sure that would make it easier on all of us.” Arthur ignored the look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. May I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked startled, but her face softened slightly and he took that as a ‘yes’. Merlin placed his hand on her shoulder, and suddenly she saw everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She saw her husband, younger, but undoubtedly him, and this man that also stood in front of her. She saw them together, and in battle, and on quests. She saw the death of Arthur, and felt the anguish that Merlin had felt. She’d just lived years in seconds, and inhaled sharply when she returned to their reality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was all too much. She felt her heart beating out of her chest, and she suddenly couldn't breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charlotte! Charlotte, stay with me! It’s okay, you’re okay!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She calmed a little bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can it be so...” Her eyes watered as she looked down at her hands in her lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He crouched down to her eye level to make his condolences, “I’m so sorry this happened to you… you’ve done nothing to deserve this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at him, “Do you share his memories? Is he still here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin paused, he was trying to formulate a gentle response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve lived his life with him, but unfortunately, he is no longer with me...” he said, “If we can help you in any way possible, please just ask. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cleared her throat and fought back tears. She didn’t know what she was to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We want to leave you everything, give you the best we can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where will you go?” She asked faintly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin smiled, “it hasn’t yet been determined, but we must’nt stay here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>That afternoon, after another painful session of questioning, they determined that Arthur and Merlin would leave with nothing but a change of clothes, a loaf of bread, £200 and a chaise carriage to take them off to their next dwelling. They both hugged Charlotte goodby, and Merlin gave her an address at which she could reach him should she ever need to. They bade each other goodluck and were on their way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they reached the inn on the outskirts of London, it was past nightfall. They were given ale and supper and promptly went up to their room. Arthur flung himself onto the large mattress in the tiny room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never been so tired in my life.” He muttered, rubbing his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sincerely doubt that,” Merlin laughed, folding the shirt that Arthur had just thrown onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I guess some habits don’t die</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought to himself and smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t seriously folding my clothes, are you?” Arthur said, getting himself situated in the bed sitting up against the headboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> has to,” Merlin joked, “and Lord knows you can’t be trusted to do it yourself. You’d find a way to set fire to this place, and then where would we be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin put the shirt down, removed his own and threw it at His Royal Highness’ head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, you can fold mine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur laughed and folded the shirt. Merlin crawled onto the bed and took the garment out of his hand and tossed it onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! I just folded that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll let you fold it again later, if you like.” Merlin whispered, climbing onto Arthur’s lap. Arthur promptly let the topic drop as he rubbed his hands into Merlin’s thighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to hide his excitement. As foolish as it was, he held onto the mentality that a king should be experienced and never caught off guard. And yet, here he was, flushed and ready for Merlin to make him feel unlike anything he’d ever felt before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin's eyes glowed as he touched Arthur’s chest and suddenly the blond began to feel heat fill his body, but in a comfortable, tingly way. He imagined that this was the kind of thing opium users dreamt of. Every place he was touched sent out a ripple of pleasure across his body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I’d known that having you felt like this, I would’ve lifted the ban on magic ages ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin laughed, “maybe you would have also considered having me ages ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur wanted to tell him just how long he’d dreamt of Merlin perhaps sneaking his room in the middle of the night, or maybe waking him up with his lips around his cock, but right now he couldn’t summon the words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He imagined that sex with anyone else would be utterly disappointing after Merlin, he silently cursed the man for setting the bar so high. Although upon further thought, he couldn’t imagine himself having sex with anyone else. He couldn’t imagine loving anyone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had loved Gwen, but that proved a different kind of love. He couldn’t have known in his state or position, that the love of his life was the one who woke him every morning and bid him “goodnight” every evening. He’d saved his life countless times. Merlin was never far from his thoughts. He was his best friend… He’d written it off as a fluke, but he had to die and return in order to learn the full truth of himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were meant to be together, it was plain to see. Two sides of the same coin, that had never previously revealed the extent of the heads or tails. If it couldn’t have been in one lifetime, they would spread themselves across many. No geography nor mortal sequence proved too difficult for the King Who Would Return and the Greatest Sorcerer Who ever lived.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked onto his lover who sat on top of him with his lips parted and breathing ragged. He bent up to kiss him, disrupting his current physical bliss. He wanted Merlin to know that he was here now. Despite everything. And not even death could pull them apart. </span>
</p><p>
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